Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009.

Flows in Prose

A Collection of Poetry

By N.Steven

Book Preview

Countdown Suckiz: Questions?

This might end up being my last blog post of 2009, and I start it off with theft. Stoled it from Spoken.Word.

Hah. Enjoy kiddos!

10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people:
1. I wish we could still be friends, but I can't condone what you've done. I really want to punch you in the neck.
2. When will you start making better decisions? I'm your friend, but what good am I if you never heed my advice?
3. I have nothing against you...but don't give me a reason to f*&* you up.
4. I wish I had one more chance to love you like I've always wanted to.
5. You think I'm on your level, but I see on such a higher pedestal than I.
6. What did I do wrong? Do you understand how disrepectful you were to me when you literally dropped out of my life?
7. I worry for you so much, and there's nothing I can do about it.
8. I'm stronger than you think I am, but you will never see this. And that sucks.
9. I love you like hell, and I want to be your husband, but the aspect of marriage scares the hell out of me in ways you wouldn't believe/understand. And I'm trying to shut that voice up.
10. I wish I never lied to you, because you've done so much for me. And amidst my lie, you helped me try to rub that part of my life out. Thank you, and I will make you proud.

9 Things about yourself:
1. Probably the most defining thing about me (aside from my faith in Christ) is the simple fact that: I write.
2. I am a friend to the end, and many times, that is my Achilles' heel.
3. I have recently caught a rare skin disease. Unfortunately, there is no cure and no one knows where it came from or what causes it. Fortunately, it is so rare and stupid, it's akin to cooties. Meaning, it does nothing but look icky and itch from time to time. And by nothing, I mean, it's not lethal in the furthest stretch of the imagination.
4. I love my family, and I can't wait to start my own.
5. I yearn to learn, and it usually happens by either revelation or trial and error. A part of me wouldn't rather it any other way.
6. I love and live for good music.
7. I think I may have ADD. Or ADHD.
8. I'm a city kid, through and through.
9. I don't want college to end. But I'm ready to get busy.

8 Ways to win my heart:
1. If you don't like hugs, we'd probably have a hard time.
2. Listen to ME/Don't judge ME.
3. Have some hella good taste in music.
4. Appreciate the performing arts.
5. Be daring. Willing...
6. To fight/get dirty for me.
7. Love to laugh/smile/appreciate life
8. Above all else, love CHRIST above all else. Even yourself.

7 Things that cross my mind a lot:
1. Death
2. Life Post-Graduation
3. My family
4. Obi-Wan
5. My friends.
6. Money?
7. Am I as fat as I think I am? Or does it look like muscle?

6 Things I do before I go to sleep:
1. Watch one of my favorite TV shows
2. Write/Read.
3. Talk to Britt.
4. Pee.
5. Eat something basic (PB&J&W) (Ask me if you don't know...)
6. Ponder on what I'd want to dream about.

5 People I couldn’t live without:
1. My Father.
2. My Mother.
3. My Brother, Curtis.
4. My Sister, Michelle/Nicole.
5. My Sister, Cassandra.

4 Things I am wearing right now:
1. Pajama pants
2. Black tee
3. Grey boxers
4. KAA Wristband (U KNOW!!)

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly(right now):
1. Stand Back & Watch by Mars iLL
2. Inside Out by ??Liberty University Campus Praise Band??
3. Can't Hide Love by Earth, Wind & Fire

2 Things I want to do before I die:
1. Skydive
2. Father my children.

1 Confession:
1. The future scares me. I try to avoid thinking about it with a facade of optimism, and it's not always a front. But sometimes, any and everything about the future makes me run back to that poem.

Just Some Notes For The Season...

I didn't want to leave you guys without a little something for the Season. I know I have a trend of leaving nice type notes up here, but I prepared some notes for a Family Discussion, and I thought I'd post the conclusion of those notes up here. Never knows who might need it.

Christmas is a time that most of America prepares to go crazy and buy, buy, buy. While some people only make blind purchases, “in the Spirit of the Season”, there are also some who buy gifts that they know that their loved ones will cherish and/or appreciate. The trouble lies in getting lost in receiving mode. We get used to receiving gifts, both from loved ones and from God. I think it would be beneficial to our growth as individuals and as the body of Christ if we look at this season the way Christ and Saint Nicholas did – with a Spirit of Giving. They both gave without thinking, and they didn’t need a list to do it. Jesus, who knows us inside and out, gave us the most priceless gift that we could never ask for, which is our redemption and salvation. Saint Nick helped those around him in ways that could not be done without him.
These two are the most celebrated figures of this Holiday Season, but JESUS CHRIST is not a cliché; He is the reason why Saint Nick dons red and black, and why children hope and believe in receiving that one gift that will change their world…much like we, as Christians, believe in the Gift of Salvation that undeniably changes our lives on a daily basis.

Comin' To Break You Off: 2008

This year. Oh man. I can't begin to describe it...

Fortunately, my lurk-ish tendencies drew me to Muze's spot, and she had this thang-thang up, so I figured since it's cold outside, and I'm still in my bed, I might as well do this and have some fun with it.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

A bit of traveling. From South Carolina to DC to NJ to Missouri to VA. I've also moved into my first apartment. Boom.


2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I can't even remember what my resolutions were. It was probably something I always say, like "Gotta lose weight" or "Save your money"...and I'll probably make more for '09. But Muze's idea of 3-month intervals sounds like a sweet idea...


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope.


4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, but there were definitely some scares and false alarms.


5. What countries did you visit?

Countries? None, but I'm graduating in May, so who knows what Ill try to do.


6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A freaking car. The money to support such an endeavor. The money for printing my book (Comin' to a Black Coffee Shop Near You!). Pretty much, money.


7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I led three 10-year-old boys in the Sinner's Prayer for the first time.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

There are a few, but I think pulling off this semester amid the circumstances was a huge blessing.


9. What was your biggest failure?

Not listening to God more. Oy, that was stupid.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I remember a few weeks back I was sicker than I've ever been. Coughing hard enough to garner a headache each time around, and enough phlegm to start its own "Fear Factor" episode.


11. What was the best thing you bought?

My laptop, snitches! A Dell Inspiron 1525 purchased in MY NAME. Boom.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My little brother. My man came through this semester on the honor roll, and I am amazingly proud of him, because he definitely had a lot in his way. But he did it! I'm thinking of taking him to a titty bar...

I'm kidding.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

One of my best friends. I wouldn't say depressed, but I really wish things were clearer/easier for him.


14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, bills, bills. Oh, and Sheetz. And there was a solid two weeks where all I ate was McDonalds, because of that Monopoly thing. Baaaaad idea.


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to Kamp in Missouri and coming back to school resident status.


16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

"Hero" by Nas.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? happier
- ii. thinner or fatter? actually, i think i maintain the chub. but love it while it's here, cuz i'm getting rid it, come '09.
- iii. richer or poorer? definitely poorer.


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

praying and working out.


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

dwelling in my own ego/pride, playing the part of counselor instead of friend, less defense.


20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

already there.


21. How many one-night stands?

none.


22. What was your favorite TV program?

I've always liked the Office, but I just recently got turned on to Scrubs.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is such a strong word. But there is someone I'd love to punch in the throat...


24. What was the best book you read?

I've said it once, I'll say it again. C.S. Lewis is a beast, and reading his stuff is edifying. At least for me. "Mere Christianity" is one of THOSE.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

John Legend's new joint, all the other Roots' albums that I didn't have, and Little Brother, which I shall dub "The South's Greatest Secret".


26. What did you want and get?

mild independence.


27. What did you want and not get?

a car. a job. my way.


28. What were your favorite films of this year?

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Wanted, Zack and Miri..., Iron Man, Dark Knight, Eagle Eye, Wall-E, Kung-Fu Panda...


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had the day off, so I bought a hotel room in MO, watched some tv and talked on the phone. Hello 21.


30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

This is probably really shallow, but having more money would've made a bit more things possible.


31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Makin' It Work With Whatcha' Got, ya dig?


32. What kept you sane?

My iPod, my family and friends, my God, and my lady.


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Honestly, none are coming to mind. I mean, Amy Smart could still get it, but I don't think "fancy" is synonymous with "shaggadelic".


34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The entire election. As if you couldn't have guess at that one.


35. Whom did you miss?

David, Diana, Courtnie, Chris, and My Fam.


36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?

KAA Staff, Shanada (she's not new, but i definitely got to know her better).


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:

Keep Christ first, in between and last. Always.

Love.

Believe.

And have a hell of a lot of fun while doing it.



38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"If you could you would get rid of me
what you gonna do when a nigga got to go hard
but i wont let you get to me
you should already figure imma go hard
if you were as real as me
you would never let another nigga step in yo yard
makin money aint sh*t to me
this in my veins and it gets to my heart
so i am, i will , i gots to go
you got another way to live you gots to go hard
i am gettin it in until the end i got to go, go, go , go hard" -'Go Hard - Kanye West, T-Pain'.



Alright kids. I tag everyone and anyone. But I would like to know who's doing it, so...gimme love?

Because I'm on Christmas Break...suckiz.

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except for this silly blogger and his insomnia.

Are your ears gauge​d?​
Um. No.


When was the last time you held someo​ne'​s hand?​
Almost a week ago. Sad stuff, I know.


What are you doing​ right​ now?
Filling this out, finishing a poem, talking to the missus and watching The Boondocks. You know, the one where the teacher called Riley the N-word.


What color​ is your shirt​?​
Baby blue.

Who was the last perso​n you texte​d?​
Leggz Wonder


Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e who'​s name start​ed with a J?
Yeah. I think her name was Jasmine...


Would​ you get marri​ed if you could​ right​ now?
Is Michael Jackson sane?


Who was the last perso​n of the oppos​ite sex you talke​d to?
Brittney. Unless my mom counts.


What is the next conce​rt/​show you'​re going​ to?
I dunno, but it'd better be a good one.

Are you in a good mood?​
I'm good...I'm actually pretty good.
​

The last perso​n you argue​d with?​
Probably my dad. Or my sister. Or Britt.


Do you prefe​r warm or cold weath​er?​
Warm.
​

Is any part of your body sore?​
My arm, as a result of a snowball fight gone wrong.


What do you wear more jeans​,​ sweat​pants​,​ or slack​s?​
Jeans, cuz' I rollz like dat, potna.


Who makes​ you so mad you could​ puke?​
Ar-ruh Kelly.

If you were anoth​er perso​n,​ would​ you be frien​ds with yours​elf?​
Maybe. I try to like myself, no matter how hard it may be.


Are you confi​dent in yours​elf?​
It's a work in progress.


Broth​ers/​siste​rs?​
One brother, two sisters.


Boyfr​iend/​Girlf​riend​?​
I think I can call her wifey now. Unless I should just keep it to girlfriend. I dunno. One of those.

What'​s one thing​ you'​ve never​ told anyon​e?​
The same thing I'm not telling you.
​

Favor​ite color​(​s)​?​
Blue.
​

Your favor​ite fruit​?​
Pineapples.


Is there​ anyon​e who'​s a lot like you?
There's probably a few folks with a bunch of similarities. But I'm the only me there can be. And if there's another me, we can fight for the title.


How many thing​s in life do you hate?​
Apathy/Laziness
People with Bad Breath who act like they don't have Bad Breath
People from any demographic who act like bad representatives of that particular demographic
Ar-ruh Kelly.


Do you get offen​ded easil​y?​
Not really.


What were you doing​ this morni​ng at 7am?
In my bed, doing the thang thang. And by "thang thang", I mean sleeping.


Are you any good at math?​
I'm about as good at math as I am at pole vaulting. Which is not at all. Yet, by the GRACE OF GOD, I passed that effing class.


How many diffe​rent bever​ages have you had today​?​
I had some milk, some Sunny D, and some Green Tea Ginger Ale.


What do you wish for?
Graduation + Spring Break + The release of my book.


Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach​?​
I would draw the Mona Lisa, but I was too busy being AWESOME.


What'​s the most painf​ul denta​l proce​dure you'​ve had?
Getting my braces taken off.


Any plans​ for Frida​y night​?​
AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A NICK G PARTY, CUZ A NICK G PARTY...is over at 1am.


What did you do last weeke​nd?​
Packed for Jersey, spent time with my Jedi and...watched some Simpsons...

Do you have a secre​t crush​?​
One day, I will confess my undying love for Amy Smart, Sanaa Lathan, Jill Scott and Princess Jasmine. Yes, the cartoon from "Aladdin".

Do you disli​ke anyon​e right​ now?
Kinda. More like a lack of respect.


Somet​hing you are excit​ed about​?​
Getting my hair done tomorrow! Cheah!

Are any of your great​-​grand​paren​ts still​ alive​?​
Not to my knowledge.


Do you have any nickn​ames?​
Nicky G
Saint Nick
Slick Nick
N. Steven
Phoenix
Kai Justiss
Nappy McJenkins
Brother Darkness
...and quite a bit more.


Do you and your boyfr​iend or girlf​riend​ fight​ a lot?
Nah. We don't fight. Unlike most couples...*side-eyes Whitney and Bobby*

...Too soon?

Who is the crazi​est on your top frien​ds?​
David, but he'd probably relish the title of "craziest".


What is the last thing​ you got in troub​le for with by paren​ts?​
My hair.


What'​s more impor​tant to you, good grade​s or havin​g fun?
I need both, but seeing as how I'm fidna graduate...it's time to go hard.


Where​ do you get your hair cut?
it's been so long, i can't remember.


What'​s so great​ about​ the Jonas​ Broth​ers?​
I was thinking you'd tell me.


Have your paren​ts ever told you that you could​n'​t hang out with a certa​in someo​ne?​
Yop.


Have you ever clean​ed up someo​ne else'​s vomit​?​
Yes. Did I enjoy it? No.


Do you laugh​ at peopl​e with "​bowl"​ hairc​uts?​
Wait...people still do that?.

Does your boyfr​iend or girlf​riend​ get mad/​jealo​us when you talk about​ the oppos​ite sex?
No, I don't think so. Are you serious? She got leggz for dayz...


Have you ever seen someo​ne you knew and purpo​sely avoid​ed seein​g them?​
Nah.


What was the last R-​rated​ movie​ you watch​ed?​
Zack and Miri Make A Porno. It was actually pretty decent.


Who do you sit with on the bus?
My iPod.


Who was the last perso​n you ate with?​
The fam.


Who was the last baby you held?​
I have no idea. I need to step my baby-holding game up, eh?


What were you doing​ at 10 am?
Getting a call from my dad to start shoveling the snow.


Name every​thing​ you'​ve eaten​ today​?​
Bowl of cereal (Corn Pops), Cooked Ham, Fried Chicken, Ribs and Macaroni Salad, and Three Peanut Butter and Jelly Sammiches.


Who was the last perso​n you talke​d to on the phone​ after​ midni​ght?​
My Jedi.


Would​ you have sex with someo​ne you had known​ less than twent​y four hours​?​
Depends. If I'd just seen Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and I ran into Angelina Jolie at Sheetz, then...all bets are off.


Do you secre​tly still​ talk to an ex?
Secretly? No.


Who was the last perso​n you got in a fight​ with?​ About​ what?​
I don't think I've gotten into a fight with anyone. Or it's been so long, I can't even remember.


Do you and your sibli​ngs fight​ over the compu​ter?​
Seeing as how I paid for this bad boy with my own money, there is no fighting to be done. It'd mine, point-blank, period.


What'​s your last sent text say?
"I think I may have rendered him silent.
"
Awkward, I know.

How'​s it going​?​
Alright, I guess.


Who did you last have an inter​view with?​
Sears, with their non-calling-back selves...

When did you last eat pizza​ and from where​?​
Domino's in VA.


Are you allow​ed to stay up later​ than 10pm on a weekn​ight?​
Shoo, I better be...

Would​ you ever take someo​ne back if they cheat​ed on you?
I'd really have to sit down somewhere and think about it...

Did you go to sleep​ happy​ last night​?​
I went to sleep last night. That counts as happy to me.


Do you conti​nue fight​ing in an argum​ent even thoug​h you'​re wrong​?​
I try not to.


When was the last time you went swimm​img?​
Summer.


On avera​ge,​ what do you think​ you cry about​ the most?​
Excruiating, mind-numbing, explosively shattering pain.


Do you still​ shave​ your legs in the winte​r?​
Not really...


Do you get crunk​ every​ weeke​nd?​
You know it.


Do you like ferri​s wheel​s?​
Um...


How many girls​ would​ you just love to shoot​?​
Shoot, as in shoot a movie? Or as in, Smith and Wesson? For the former, Danity Kane. For the latter, Danity Kane.


Have you ever slept​ in conta​cts?​
Yup. Bad idea.


Are you relat​ed to anyon​e named​ Blake​?​
I hope not. I'd hang out with him, just to make fun of his side of the family for naming him/her "Blake".


Do you white​n your teeth​ with Crest​ White​ Strip​s?​
I tried to. Not the kinda habit I can keep track of.

Have you seen the movie​,​ Thirt​een?​
No.

Don'​t you just wanna​ stab someo​ne with a fire poker​?​
I'm telling you, if I roll up on R. Kelly in the streets, it'd gonna be a misunderstanding.


How long was your last phone​ call?​
A couple of hours. Maybe four or five.

Miss someo​ne?​
Yop.


Do you like someo​ne right​ now?
Affirmative.


Do you belie​ve in true love?​
Si.


When was the last time you were disap​point​ed?​
A few days ago...when I signed onto Facebook and saw that yet another couple had broken up.


What is somet​hing you'​d like to have right​ now?
Oprah's paycheck. And my baby, because she just reminded.

Do you miss your past?​
Not really.


Are you tan?
I stay dark and silky.
​

Does it matte​r to you if your boyfr​iend/​girlf​riend​ drink​s?​
Socially, no. But not with breakfast, lunch and dinner.


How many kids do you want to have?​
I think four would be cool.


What did you do today​?​
I woke up, shoveled snow, helped my dad set up his new computer, ate dinner, talked with my dad, watched the rest of "King Kong" "U-571" and "The Wild", and am now on the phone.


Did you kiss or hug anyon​e today​?​
Yup. Cuz that's how I roll.


Have you ever told anyon​e you loved​ them?​
Yes, I try to as often as possible.


Where​ would​ you like to live?​
Somewhere else.


When was the last time you laugh​ed?​
A couple minutes ago.


Whose​ bed did you sleep​ in last and why?
Mine. Cuz it'd mine.


Have you had alcoh​ol today​?​
If I did, then I'm in for a surprise.


Do you like snow or rain?​
Seeing as how I don't have to shovel rain, I'll say rain.


What do you curre​ntly hate?​
Slow internet connections and having no money.

If someo​ne liked​ you right​ now, would​ you want them to tell you?
Um, not that I wouldn't want them to tell me, but I don't think I'd care. I couldn't act on it, so that information wouldn't do much good. But I'd respect their honesty.


Do you prefe​r to take showe​rs at night​ or in the morni​ng?​
As long as I'm getting clean, does it really matter?


Do you know anyon​e addic​ted to any type of drugs​?​
Weed is a drug, right? Okay, then yeah.


Do you belie​ve that if you want somet​hing bad enoug​h you'​ll get it?
If only.


Are you a morni​ng perso​n or a night​ perso​n?​
All the freaks come out at night.


Have you done somet​hing bad today​?​
Bad?...I don't think so.


Do you want to see someo​ne this very minut​e?​
Maybe YES.


What are you sick of?
I'm sick of commercialism ruining the season.


Are you norma​lly a happy​ perso​n?​
I try to be.


How many Advil​'​s do you take at a time?​
Two.


Are you weari​ng anyth​ing you borro​wed from someo​ne?​
I think these are my dad's sweats.

Can you sleep​ in jeans​?​
I can sleep in anything, as long as I'm sleeping.


Are you an emoti​onal perso​n?​
To my shame, yes, I am.


When'​s the last time you studi​ed?​
Two weeks ago. And I'm out that bi*$*.

Has anyon​e told you a secre​t latel​y that you aren'​t allow​ed to tell anyon​e?​
It wasn't told as a secret, but I understand that somethings aren't anyone else's business.

What are you afrai​d of?
Myself. No one. You.

Introducing Hawt Sawse

I'm sure that this breaks a foolishness barrier somewhere. But I cannot even pardon myself. This is just a little clip of the nonsense that I've been a part of this semester. Enjoy.

Two/One

Well.

This semester. Boy, I tell you, it has been a trip. A wild ride. A doozy, even. I've had highs and lows. I've laughed hard and been on the verge of tears too many times to count.

So far, this semester:

1. I've moved into my first apartment, and boy was it bad timing. I didn't prepare for it at all. I didn't pray about it, I didn't look for a good roommate (because you never know someone until you live with them and their funky habits); I didn't even have a job. Or a car. And for that, I get a major Fail.
2. This semester has been proven to be one of my toughest, academically speaking. And for most of my classes, I've been doing fine. I expect A's in those classes. However, in two other classes, I am a sneeze away from either passing or failing. And those two of those finals? Tomorrow, on the same day. And they pretty much decide if I graduate or not. So, another major Fail.

But on the other end:

1. I have never worked this hard at maintaining a steady study habit in my entire college career. Like clockwork, I focused totally on doing my homework and understanding it as I did it. I did my papers on time, and if not, I mad sure that the work I did would make up for the points I lost for being late. And, for the most part, it paid off.
2. I've had to understand that I struggle with pride. I'm not a know-it-all or any kind of major jerk, but I do have a problem with my ego and doing things for the sake making sure that I do it for myself. In understanding this, I can, and have been making moves to reverse this. There is a really good psychological theory to explain this, but I'll leave that alone. The good news it, I'm getting better in being open to accepting help from other people, because that it how I've had to make things work for myself this semester.
   

But the process sucks.

So. At the end of the day, I have two finals tomorrow. It's somewhat akin to Doomsday, because of the amount of pressure. I HAVE to pass. And after that?

One more semester of undergrad. One.

Two finals. One more semester.

The He(art) of My Hustle

So.

I'm starting to get pretty shameless. I am amazingly close to printing out my debut collection of poetry, but the only thing in my way is the funds I need to pay for the printing cost ($800 bones).

Naturally, I don't have eight hundred dollars. I don't even have $8. And without a job, it gets that much harder.

Therefore, I have decided that lil' ol' me will try my hand at this hustling thing. Not anything illegal or morally compromising, (although I do have a source that might be able to get me some connects, ya digg?), but something more of my forte. Like my art itself.

It makes sense to me. Besides, it'll give me a chance to stretch my lyrical versatility.

So tell your friends. I am officially a poet for hire. $5-10 a pop.

Marvelous Times Indeed.

I don't know if I can take it.

Common's coming with a new album. (Eh.)

AND

The Mighty Mos Def as well? (OhEmGee.)

Change is brewing, forreal forreal.

My Election Day 2008

1:14am: Arriving at my friend's house after a 4-hour shift, working at InService America. Now, I'm watching "Scrubs", waiting to go back home to record some tracks with my roommate.

2:01am: Got back home to meet some friends on their way out after they've already started recording some audio for our pseudo-band "Hawt Sawse". While they are leaving, one of them asks me when I'm going to vote. I tell him I don't know, to which he responds that he's thinking about leaving at 5:30. It sounds like a great idea to me, so I tell him, sign me up, let's go vote and "get it out of the way".

2:43am: Start watching online episodes of the sixth season of "Scrubs".

9:59am: My roommate wakes me up to ask if I wanna go vote.

10:23am: Leave apartment to go to the polls. Still undecided.

10:29am: Arrive at polls. Still undecided.

10:35am: At electronic booth, praying for a wise decision and I vote.

10:45am: Leave polls, hoping I didn't make a mistake, and start scheming on a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch.

A Little Bit o' Pledge.

I hereby aim to speak nothing of politics until November 4th. This election has engaged every emotion in my body, and I don't really think I could take it any more.

I am definitely registered to vote, but with Election Day less than a week away, I really need to retreat inside of myself before voting. I've had more than enough help from the media, classmates, professors, family and friends.

So.

Nothing about Obama, McCain, Palin, Biden or the political state of America until the clock strikes 12am on Nov. 4th.

HipRockSoul: 1997-2006

All my life, I've been into music. Not many people know this, and I guess in someways, I've kept it as a secret, but I have some history in playing the piano. Since I was younger, there has failed to be any instance in my life where I wasn't involved with music in someway. From the church's youth choir to a brief stint as the church pianist to my High School's choir, music was an integral part of my life.

Somewhere along the way, I discovered this thing that we know as Hip-Hop. When I first heard about it, it was taboo.

See, my parents? They were one of those parents. If it wasn't Gospel or Distinctively Christian, it was questionable, at best. And these were the early nineties, when 'Pac and Biggie were running the radio. To answer Sid Shaw's eternal question, I remember when I first fell in love with Hip-Hop, or at least when I first developed a crush on her.

I was at my grandmother's house. I forget exactly why I was there, but I remember that my cousin was there too, probably skipping one of his many jobs. He had a boombox, the root of many an envious eye, and it was blasting this gem:

Armed and dangerous, ain't too many can bang with us
Straight up weed no angel dust, label us Notorious
Thug ass niggaz that love to bust, it's strange to us
Y'all niggaz be scramblin, gamblin
Up in restaraunts with mandolins, and violins
We just sittin here tryin to win, tryin not to sin
High off weed and lots of gin
So much smoke need oxygen, steadily countin them Benjamins
Nigga you should too, if you knew
What this game'll do to you
Been in this shit since ninety-two
Look at all the bullshit I been through


I was done for. I didn't know what it was. It didn't register that he was talking about less-than-Christian activity. I liked it. I was mesmerized, hooked and attached. It was dangerous and attractive, gritty and beautiful. From that point on, I actively pursued anything else that could make me feel that way...usually, this pursuit went against the desire of my parents.

So, logically, if they didn't like it, I was on the right track.

Years went by, and my chase for The Beat went the various phases. I partied with pop-rap for a while (Big Will f.k.a. Fresh Prince) and meditated with Christian rap/hip-hop (Corey Red, Cross Movement, KJ-52 etc.) and experimented with rock-rap (Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, etc.).

Then...
it happened.

Once again, the details are fuzzy, but I recieved/puchased/discovered a mixtape: DJ Maj Presents The Ringleader. Track 4 re-introduced my ears to a simply astounding sound by the name of 4th Avenue Jones. The track was called "What You Want" which was exactly that.

turn up your radio dial this now the jam zone
i’m making tracks homie serving their lacks until the amps blown
with the kind of flows you can’t clone
my tight poems sewing the game up putting the clamps on
never fake made for tv
real and i’m coming with skills fans camping out 3 days to see me
my whole click tighter than a beanie
removing our foes ready to prove it to those who don’t believe me
when I was young thinking of a way to ball
i came with a rap style that’ll fade them all
stayed true when I did it never had to switch
now my crew done came up from a rag to rich
rock sold out shows for a piece of mayo
got my own record company and beats for sale
excel when I get on it sound tight now don’t it
i see the look in your eyes you know you want it
you know you want it


And once again,
I was hooked.

All I wanted was some more of the 4th Ave Crew. I went on their website, which was the now-dead HipRockSoul.com and systematically bought three of their released albums. At the time, the newest album was called "HipRockSoul" and it was already sold out. So, I quenched my thirst with their albums, "No Plan B", "Respect", and "No Plan B Pt. 2".

I was in hip-hop heaven. They had rhymes with content, beats with strength and AWWW YEAH!!! all in it. Not only did their lyrics possess actual thought, but they were just unashamedly Christian. They openly claim the name of Jesus Christ, and don't really shove it down your throat. 4th Avenue also encouraged me to look for more in music. Actually, because of 4AJ, I've gotten into:

Pharoahe Monch
Mars iLL
Common
Somobe
Lupe Fiasco
Mos Def
De La Soul
Black Eyed Peas
Andre 3000
and a host of other fabulous artists.

But...with all good things, it had to come to an end.

Since I entered college, I've been almost literally holding my breath for a chance to see 4th Avenue Jones perform live. Unfortunately, Ahmad of 4AJ said on his myspace page that 4th Ave had their final live show in 2006, before he retired, then started working on his solo album.


Maybe I'm looking into it too much. Maybe my attention is ill focused. But I feel like this is the passing of an era in my life, like high school. I entered it, not knowing what to expect, but after a few years, while I am more equipped to handle certain things, I will miss the experience. And like I am doing with my memory of high school, I will look for ways to re-create the feeling.

*lifts up imaginary glass of champagne*

This toast is to 4th Avenue Jones. May I continue to search for Heart, Mind, Spirit and Soul Music, Rocking Hips and Souls with HipRockSoul.

4th Avenue Jones is:
Ahmad Jones - Vocals
Tena Jones - Vocals
Tim Stewart - Lead Guitar
Gailybird - Violin
Albert Parker - Bass
Derrick Calloway - Percussion

Game-Changing Ways

I was just playing around. I'm actually supposed to be finish a paper due in an hour.

I'm looking forward to seeing someone collab.


Daily I meditate on my game-changing ways
Like the aim, distance and range for mind-blowing plays
I might be playing, but still I'm saying, gotta go hard with the pen
Because even if I don't succeed, this Bic will try again.
I like the surprise of the crowd and weight of my words
Lyrically heavy-lifting with the purpose it serves.
Sometimes bars aren’t enough, I need a dash of def poetic
Drop bombs on stages and scales, I'm talking metric.
I’ll take a break and just pretend that I’m on a verbal gameshow
Then brush off the smile, and “Go Buck For The Angels”.
Heaven is where I wanna be, I’m Donell Jonesin’ for that residence
And it concerns me so much more, than the choice for our future president
This world is ill and fractured, I keep my mind about my craft
Make sure every line is nice and precise, but slightly daft.
Still, can’t ignore what’s all around me, I’m in, not of its jacked-up ways
So daily, I meditate on my game-changing ways.

New "We Are The World"?

I know that I've been posting nothing but vids for the past few posts. However, I just got this one in an email, and I actually got shivers while watching it. My own personal views may not line up seamlessly with the ticker at the bottom of the video, and I do believe that there is quite a bit of media bias that exists (which makes me take everything I hear on the news with a pretty hefty grain of salt). However, I love that people are getting involved, getting passionate, getting IN IT.

My Vlog!

I think this accurately describes what I've done so far as a twentysomething. I'm not ashamed of it. As a matter of fact, I think it further inspires me to do more.

Don't hate. Just wish you were young again.

Weekends + Technology + Friends = Foolishness

There really isn't a good reason why. I wish I had one. The only answer I have is...*shrugs shoulders*.

I guess I'm trying to enjoy my youth before reality, Sallie Mae and Uncle Sam rape my soul/wallet.





I won't be mad if you comment.

What It's Like To Date An R.A.

I didn't see this coming.

I mean, I knew that she wanted to be an RA. Even when she was a prayer leader on Dorm 5-1, she'd talk about going through the application process, which I imagine is the Liberty University version of applying to be on MTV's Real World.

I guess in the back of my mind, I had something different in mind.

"Think about it. Your girlfriend is going to be an R.A.! There are countless selfish ways for this to benefit you! You'd be untouchable. The Liberty Way doesn't apply to you! This is diplomatic immunity redefined!"

Sadly, I was mistaken. Not only did the LUWay still ferociously still apply to me, but there was a greater demand of obeying them. But that wouldn't be a problem, right?

Wrong. Oh, so sadly wrong.

3-second hugs? Reduced to one second.
No kissing policy? Not even those gay little "penguin" kisses.
Rated R? Try racy rated PG-13 movies, starring Ryan Reynolds or Dave Chappelle, which coincidentally only leaves an assortment of Hugh Grant and Kate Hudson movies. (Honestly, "American Dreamz" only made me giggle at best.)

It's not like I had to change my whole set-up. I mean, hugging? Psht. Who needs that crap. Kissing? That stuff is for the kids. Instead, we like simply stare at each other, daydreaming about finally politely kissing on our wedding day (if it's in God's will, that is. After all, He does kinda have final say-so). And rated R movies? I don't even like the stuff. Even if Chappelle's Show is groundbreaking comedy and "300" is a monolith of testosturone.

At least that's what I heard.

However, I do find it funny how the minor things stay the same. Hanging with friends have the same zing it used to.

Friend 1: "Hey, Nick, wanna hang out tonight, possibly do something illegal involving firecrackers and Da Ihopz?"
Friend 2: "Dude, he can't. Britt's an RA, remember?"
Me: "Hey...I can hang out..."
Friend 2: "You can't. Don't worry, it won't be much fun any ways...*snickers, walking away*..."
Me: "Oh. Okay...well...I'll just...watch 'Scrubs' or something...."

See? Still one of the cool off-campus kids. (That Dr.Dorian is such a rascally little devil.)

I used to think I had it bad, but a 12 o'clock curfew is nothing compared to RA Lock-Down.

RA Lock-Down is where the RA's on the hall are allowed no freedom outside of classes, convo and CFAW's. Which will suck when "The Dark Knight" comes to the dollar theater.
_________________________________________________________________

On a more serious note, I knew what I was getting into. To be an RA is the most demanding leadership position a resident student can have on campus, and while I may not be directly playing the part, I see first-hand how much energy and time and prayer goes into it. For personal reasons, I doubt my own ability to be able to be a good RA (emphasis on good), but I think that Brittney handles it with amazing grace and ease. I gladly accept the role of dating an RA, supporting her and praying with and for her and her hall - even if she can't join us to see "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Because I would never watch that filth.

*uncrosses fingers*

What If This Works?

I stoled this from Stereohyped, and I agree. Don't vote, like Leo said.

It's nice to see that the superstars are getting all involved and such. It's so nice.

On His Grind...

In the past two days, I've gotten three calls from the Obama headquarters, making sure that I:

• am registered to vote, and
• am registered to vote for Obama.

Now, I know about all the implications that this election has. I saw the debate (and I thought it was crazy funny how he slipped up on McCain's name like 14times.), and I have reservations about Palin, but...Jeebus. Clawd hab merceh, these folks are on my back like a doggone tax collector!

I'd be careful with that, having experience in the telephonic marketing field.

Do Da Homie (no homo)

Who's your homie?

Like, for real. Who is your undeniable, ride-or-die, do anything for, better/worst half?

We all have them, ladies and fellas alike. Homies, peeps, dunnies, potnas, nigs, brothas, comrades, et cetera. That one person that you know you can call at a whim if there is someone 'round the way that needs a beat down. That person who people confuse you with, even though you are both clearly not identical in any facet. That particular individual that your family doesn't particularly favor, but you could swear was a long-lost sibling. Oh, you remember now! Yeah, that person.

What's that person like?

I'm lucky enough to have two. Let's call them...Yellow Cake and Piff.

First up is YC.
I've known this brother since I was in OshKosh B'Gosh, sippin' on Similac. We went to the same church growing up, and I guess he's been the one time-tested friend. A lot of the times, he's been something like my conscience. Me, I guess I'm something like a counselor-in-training. And I don't mind at all. YC's simply a fun loving person, almost always willing to provide laughs. A true homie. Here's a quick story:

On one particular sunny day in one of the summers of our teenage years, we were at yet another cookout. Everything a growing boy would ever want: lemonade, kool-aid, biscuits, hot dogs, yada yada yada. People were all over the place, having a merry time. The group of my lifelong friends were there, who we shall call the Fantastic Four (which consisted of me, YC, Bizarro and Spears). I had a not-so-secret crush on Spears, but it was a relaxed atmosphere, so I wasn't really "on".
Somehow, we started this really sadistic game that involved hitting each other.

It made no sense then, and it makes no sense now.

Anyway, Spears starts chasing me to hit me. Naturally, she get me, so I turn around to hit her back. Only I decide that it'd be pretty funny to kick her in the butt. I thought it was a good idea.

The kick was successful, but I somehow forgot that she'd want to hit me back. She starts chasing me, and as I turn to run away from her with the graceful speed of a gazelle...I run into a tree. A big tree. A freaking HUGE tree. I fell over, landed in some dirt (some of which coincidentially flew into my eye) and started praying that no one saw...

Remember how I said that people were all over the place? Yeah. So...yeah. EVERYONE IN ATTENDANCE saw it, and laughed at me. And my best friend? Standing with the masses, laughing, while pointing his finger.

Yep. Love that kid.

And then there's Piff.

This brother ::shakes head::...

You know how everyone has the voices in their head?
There's one voice that says "I know that you want to skip class today, but you really need to go. The amount of money that you pay in this place? Shoot...you'd better attend class, dummy."
There's another voice that says, "Eff classes, eff school, eff yo' mutha-effin' degree. Nigga, let's hit up the mall, get some numbers and allow me to spank dat ace in some Madden."

Piff is the latter. He is the Id to my SuperEgo, the evil guy on my shoulder, and I am his conscience. We met in high school, over the affections of a particular female, who just happened to be his boo at the time. Somehow, our personalities clicked.

Now, I pride myself, to a certain extent, on being a pretty rebellious character. I like going with the flow, and enjoying the ride. But I have an off button. I know when to stop. My sense of right and wrong dominates most of my decisions. Piff? Not so much. Imagine me, with less inhibitions, more wrong, less right, hopped on Mary Jane and ginseng. That's Piff. And I love that dude like my own flesh and blood. There are so many stories that I can bring up, but I'll just choose one:

Once again, in the days of yesteryear, we were in class. I think it was an English class. It was snowing outside, and I was probably day-dreaming or something. Suddenly, my peripheral vision kicks in, and I see him, wielding a snowball. (Later, I would find out that he went to the bathroom, for the sole purpose of getting said snowball.) Before I could do anything about it, he launches the snowball dead. at. my. face.

I wasn't mad yet. Somehow encouraged to play along (IN ENGLISH CLASS), I run to the window, scoop up a handful of snow and before I can throw the snowpile, I hear, "NICHOLAS! GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!"

My response? Years before I heard of Oh Hell Nawl, I said, "DISBS!"

Oh, I said it. I was heated. I was mad as hale. How'd I get in trouble, being the victim? I naturally threw your typical teenage tantrum. I think in the process, she ends up sending him down to the bench too.

However, once we got there, we started laughing about it. I don't know how. If they decided to call home, I would be getting in trouble. And here I was laughing about it.

And we still laugh about it.

These two fellas are my closest friends, and it gets hard to understand why or how sometimes. I think they give me balance, a good place between stability. Together, they can't let me get too serious or freak out too much. They also cannot let me shrug anything off without first letting me know how stupid it was in the first place.

So again I ask, who are your homies?

Love Musings #3

I really like my iTunes/iPod.

Really. I do. I mean, I might complain about it when it freezes, threaten to blow it away with a shotgun whenever it decides to update at a time when it's really not appreciated, but at the end of the day, I really like my computer.

And I'd better. I spent a good portion of the money on it, money that could have probably went towards the car that I still don't have.

In this declared admiration for my technology, I realize that this expands further than its operational capabilities. I use iTunes on my computer, but I use my computer for more than that. Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Publisher, Adobe Acrobat, Photoshop, and I can't forget all the goodies that came pre-installed, like the calculator, games (all Solitare fiends know what I'm talking about) and the like. There is more to my computer than my favorite application.

I recently came across another issue in the fickle tendencies of love.

When in relationships, we tend to capitalize on the traits that we particularly favor. And that makes sense, looking at it objectively. I'm not going to jump through hoops for someone who's favorite tv show is a blatant insult against intelligence. I won't go ga-ga for a lady who would rather do her make-up than play some ball.

My particular cup of tea? A couple of things:

• Honest to God conversations. Easy conversation. Just plain-ol'-talking. I love it. I LOVE IT. It really makes my heart flutter, peeking inside a ladyface's brain (as confusing as it may get).
• Writing. I grew up being that kid that was always being compared and contrasted to Steve Urkel...until I discovered poetry. I truly believe that the written word was what God decided to give to me, in the stead of verticale growth and being smooth-n-slick with the ladies. Writing is all I have, all I know, all I am. I am synonomous with poetry. And if she can do that too? Aw yeah...
  

And while I may love those things in my lady, if I love her like I say I do, I have to see more than her than what tworks my buttons.

The question posed to me was this: If she no longer wrote, would I still love her?

As much as I bleed, sweat and cry prose, my love for her is so much more than what is on a page/blog/notebook. I can't limit how I feel for her to what we have in common.

Kind of like loving God/God's love for us. It's more than when He helps us pay rent or pass that exam. God is bigger than what He may or may not do for us. Loving her is more than what "that thing" is.

And my computer still has Windows Media Player, right?

Blood and Bone: A True Savior

Hollywood's Jesus was lame.

Now, I don't know if I should be putting "lame" and "Jesus" in the same sentence, but in any event, I think that the Jesus that we see on TV and old movies is pretty disappointing.

We always see the same guy, with the same English accent and the same soul-man gotee and the same shaggy hairstyle. Boooo-ring.

Now, know that I write this with an open mind, but I am firm in my belief in the omnipotence of Jesus Christ. All the same...I would like to see a movie that depicted Jesus as something more. Let's step away from the age-old debate on whether Jesus was white/black/Jewish/Mary's baby daddy.

I wanna see Jesus fart. I wanna see Jesus take out a wedgie. I wanna see how Jesus sounds when he sneezes. I want to see a really good scene of Jesus going completely BUCKWILD on some fools (Matthew 21:12-13). Basically, I want to see a real picture of Christ, without placing emphasis on the petty stuff. I'm not saying to ignore his divinity, but...don't ignore his humanity either. That's what makes his story so compelling, at least to me. He was All God and All Man. He chatted with God and sipped tea with the homies. He performed miracles on the daily, but was pretty much homeless. Jesus battled demons...and lame politicians.

Tell me that ain't on some ol' Rosa Parks meets Gandhi mess!

Honestly though, funny-ness aside. We know Jesus was the Son of God. Therefore, He already has some status on his shoulders. My whole argument is simply this: We need to stop being scared of Big Bad Jesus. As if he walks around, wielding a thunderbolt on his hip, like a Divine Gat. When he came down and was borne of Man...it was exactly that. He didn't do it, just to show, "Look what I can do!". He became one of us, walked among us, ate with us, was MAN. Oh, don't get it twisted, he could've shifted gears into Holiest of Holies in a split second. He could've reminded us that He Was God.

But what kind of love keeps reminded you IN YOUR FACE that its better than you?

"Oh yeah, I'm Jesus. Yeah, I'm going to die for you, but I am God. So...yeah. You'd better pay your tithes."

Wrong. WRONG.

Part of the main emphasis is on his LOVE for us. (The other part is raising hisownself from the grave...but that's for another blog in and of itself...yeesh. Talk about gangsta...)

Besides, having created us and everything, you'd think he'd want to know what the hubbub was all about, right?

So, I end this blog by saying that Spike Lee and that Jewish Guy from "Knocked Up" and "Pineapple Express" should get together and start shooting this puppy. Because it is truly the Greatest Story Ever Told.

Also, all should try to read "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff". You might understand where I got the inspiration for this post.

Yup. A list again.

I stole this from Kitten Issacs...(sorry for stalking.). I guess this is my official re-entry into college/the norm. Feel free to steal from me, though.

my favorite Food= I could make this so sexually explicit. But I won't. Because you'd be expecting it. I don't really have a favorite food. But I would murder some cheesecake.

my favorite Artist= I've actually got quite a few, but hands down, without even thinking about it, it would have to be 4th Avenue Jones. I would do anything to go to a live show, or even to visit them on a Sunday afternoon, after church, and watch some football.

my favorite Vegetable= Ick.

my favorite Online website= It'd probably be a tie between the online comic "Least I Could Do" and the igtelligant spectacular "Oh Hell Nawl" blog.

my favorite Recipe= Anything that I can come up with in the kitchen. Seriously, it's almost always an adventure.

my favorite Ice cream= Lemon Sherbet. Or Moose Tracks.

my favorite Topic= Anything worth thinking/talking about. But, after a semester in DC, I'm kinda tired of talking about politics. I figure it's a lost cause, but it's still worth a good try. Oh, and those famous "N-Word" debates. Love those.

my favorite Exercise= It's been a while, but second to push-ups, it'd be running after the morning bus to school.

my favorite Scripture= "For I am full of words, the Spirit within me compels me..."-Job 32:18022

The BreakDown Pt.2

Life/Lord:

When people enter college, the plan usually is as follows:

• Meet new people
• Learn new things
• Have sex with a member of the opposite sex from every continent
• Gain/Lose weight
• Master the Art of Procrastination
  
• Graduate in 4 years

So far, I've met some amazing people, friends that I hope to have for the rest of my life. And I've learned so many more thing that I was never aware of. (For example, did you know that ___________ when the _________, you might see _________ in ___________ with the Matrix? Yeah. Go figure.) Thanks to my naivete and conscious, I still haven't gone so far as to have sex with a girl in North America, much less any other continent. I have lost weight. I have gained weight. Then I lost it and gained it again. Right now, it's in an odd balance that I hope is the worst it'll every get. And because I'm so good at procrastinating, I'm squeezing four years of college into five.

You read right.

Naturally, my ego is taking quite a beating for that one. Most/all of my friends that I've graduated with...have graduated. I know that it's no big deal, but my insides start to convulse whenever I have to explain the situation, which is interesting. (Aside from being an idiot for my freshmen year, I took my internship in DC, which took me off campus for one of my senior semesters. I also made the age-old mistake/decision to change my major, or at least my concentration in the middle of my senior year. So...yeah.)
I'm not letting it get me down too bad, and while I do regret skipping all those classes...it's happened for a reason. I am a full believer in God's utter and complete control over everything in existence. I'm in this position for a reason. My whole circumstance right now testifies to this.

For example, while working at kamp this summer, I've had a number of what I consider to be truly divine moments. I've had dreams in the past, before I've ever even heard of Kids Across America. These dreams, at the moment, would be completely ambiguous, and I'd toss it aside. However, as I come to kamp, some of these dreams would start to get lived out. I don't mean that they were these dreams with secret meanings and whatnot: I had a dream once where I was talking to someone, and they were crying. This person was wearing a blue shirt, and it was raining outside. This summer, at kamp, I had a kid in my cabin who was really homesick. He slept on the bunk above me, and I was trying to console him. And it was a thunderstorm.

I don't know what to make of that kind of event. But I can't ignore it. I don't mean for this to mean that I'm going to end up being some kind of Indiana Jones or something...but situations like that have happened WAY too many times this summer to ignore it. This has just gone to show me that God is truly directing my steps. The path leading to my working at KAA is a broken road, and for it to lead to an abstract dream coming true...something is definitely happening beyond what my eye can see.

The BreakDown Pt. 1

Love:

• Family -
  
• I love my family. There is no doubt about that. After all, they are mine. Each quirk and quarrel is specifically and genetically entitled to me. I can complain all I want about it, when the truth is, it's all mine. Lately, I've been looking at my home life a bit more closely. I've been analyzing the whole scene silently, going through everything with a fine-toothed comb. Some things are new to me. Some things are merely being emphasized. Others are new discoveries in old territory. For example, I know that I am the eldest. I'm the big brother, therefore, the root cause of any mishap that may happen with the younger siblings, regardless of if I'm in the same...hemisphere. However, I tend to question whether I'm having any impact on their lives. I don't really have an answer, but I continuously pray that I'm doing something right.
• My sister is entering college this year. Automatically, my Big Brother Radar is on Code Punch-a-Negro Mode. Any burly looking 'bama that approaches her had better have any and everything upwards of a 401k and a Benz...This is before I take a step back and realize that she is entering a phase of her life where she is beginning to know who she really is and where she stands. Most of what she stands on will be questioned. Most of what she thought she knew will shatter and fall around her. And she will learn lessons that will last her for the rest of her life. I have to understand that I am not the one to teach these lessons to her. That's God's job. I can't pretend I'm the Gestapo or something. I just really need to be her brother, her support.
• My parents have done too much for me. Most people understand that sentiment. But it's so true. This is not a cliche` statement; I'm not saying this because I just saw some inspirational new movie starring Cuba Gooding Jr. They really have done too much for me. And I am not one to pick my favorite parent; that's like choosing my favorite testicle. However, me and my dad have this weird...relationship. On the surface, it probably looks no different than any other father-son relationship, but under the surface, there is so much laying there...it's ghastly. My father is...just that. And so much more. I couldn't possibly write it all in a blog, but here's a brief try: My dad is the man that I am trying to become, yet at the same time avoid.
• Friends-
• I don't really have a lot of friends. I think I can count all of my close friends on my fingers. Some of them are new entries in this book of my life. Others are as old as the pages themselves. I truly and honestly love them all. You can attach a 'no homo' if you want, but it's really not necessary. I love them all, like blood-borne siblings.
• At a certain point during this summer, one of my friends and I were talking about number of different things; college, our respective wifeys, summer projects, spirituality, etc. During this conversation, it became rather clear that we were on a certain plane of growth, of evolution, of change. He had just graduated undergrad. While I was supposed to graduated as well, I am still on a route of elevation. For example, he brought up a relationship that I had pursued in my younger years. Looking back on it, I shake my head in an effort to get her face out of it. But! I look at the relationship that I am in now, and I can say that it is soo much better than what I was prepared for. It's like God was there, keeping me from many potentially stupid situations (prepare for a future blog about this topic).
  
• One of my friends, whom I oft refer to as my Id, is just that. He exists in the pleasure principle, and while it almost always provides great stories and endless chuckles and giggles, it worries me to a large degree. I love him like a brother, but I fear that he is sprinting down a path filled with all that a man's flesh desire, but very little soul-ful benefits. And the painful part is, he knows better. He is no idiot. A brilliant mind, stifled by "arms that won't reach for the sky". There is nothing that I can tell him that he isn't already aware of. What a battle is this, when two brilliant minds are facing opposite directions.
• I am currently involved in my first serious relationship. Going on a year, we've been doing the whole "official" dating thing. Personally, I find great pleasure in saying that we were friends first. And I wish that there was some cheesy way to say it, but that's really what it is. I think that's what's making this thing work. I have no idea what we would look like without that first year of our knowing each other. I value that the most, because that provides the foundation for our relationship. Most of those goodies and treats didn't really come about until some months before we started "officially" dating, but I'm talking about the grounds on which we were first aware of each other: Faith. Writing. Music. Myspace. (lol) With that being said, some times, we need to take a step back and pay attention to what drew us together. I've noticed what when in a dating relationship, it's a lot like a car. In order for the car to run properly, you've got to take of it. Some people go overboard and get silly additions, like rims and tinted windows and other attractive, but basically unnecessary additions. Others tend to be more content with the basics: Regular Gas Fill-Ups. Consistent Maintenance. A Working CD Player. I would like to consider myself the latter. While I may desire all the fun stuff that comes with being in a dating relationship (Boo-loving 'til the wee hours of the morning, Sporadic Make-Out Sessions, etc.), the basics are what keep it flowing smooth and nice-like...and fun. Like affection. Writing little love-notes. Inside jokes. A Working CD Player/iPod.
  

A Proper Re-Introduction.

I figured that this would be a good way to welcome myself back to the blogosphere. I've been back on the East Coast since last Monday night, but in that week alone, there has been a lot going on. And all of it seems to be continuing in the theme of this summer that God is firmly in control, no matter how stressed life may get.

I uploaded a pic a few months back of the pending book cover for my first book of poetry. While I liked what it looked like, I feel that this pic^ adequately captures what the book is made of.

So. I'm back. Feel free to comment on the new book cover. I'll be sure to fill ya'll in on this summer's previous shenanigans.

On The Road Again...

Okay, so I know that I've been rather unfaithful to the blogo-verse (is that what bloggers call it?). And I have a good reason too. The biggest one is a summer camp counselor position in Missouri.

Yeah. Missouri. The camp is called Kids Across America, and my plane leave in the morning. I'm looking forward to is, and I'm thinking that it'll be a blasty blast.

So. This is not goodbye. This is more like a "see you later". Feel free to leave some comments though on my previous posts, not to mention the SHORT STORIES THAT NO ONE HAS SEEMED TO READ.

So yeah. I'll check you cats on the other side (of the summer).

Because I'm Tired of Cleaning...

I spent today cleaning my area/room/basement, getting stabbed by doctors and evading my dad, who's mad at me again. I take a break and start snooping around on Muze's spot, and I saw this. Naturally, being the eternal band-wagon-hopper, I snatched this up. All feel free to follow suit.

6 Things You Didn't Know About Ya Boy...

1. I think I'm an undercover adrenaline junkie. I spend too much time daydreaming of ways to do something trippy, like skydiving, or kicking random police officers in the groin. I know it's going to get me in trouble one day (...or should I say, again? Heh heh heh...), but I've been trying to maintain.

2. I haven't played in a while, but I have a few years of piano experience. I stopped because it started to feel like a chore. And we all know how annoying it is when you go somewhere, like a party or something of the sort, and people see you and start to go, "Hey, So-n-So's here! Hey, play something for us! C'mon, just a little something...!"

Yeah. Really annoying.

But I'm starting to miss the ol' ebony and ivory. I might hop back in the saddle. But this time, it's for me.

3. I came thisclose to being a child model in 2001. There was this talent agency in NYC, and apparently, they helped propel the careers of Tom Cruise, Renee Zell-somethingortheother, and a buttload of other people. I went to the audition, did this Old Spice commercial. Turns out they liked me and my dimples, and they had me on the callback list. I was to come in the following week after school to start getting busy and signing papers and whatnot...but the following week was a Tuesday in September...

4. I might be a nymphomanic. I'm not too sure, and I think that being a virgin has something to do with it. You know, absence makes the penis grow harder...or something like that. Either way, it could turn out to be a problem. Ya'll pray for me.

5. I. Hate. Crap. Rap. Period. Point blank. You can't talk me out of it. Seriously, I could give you AIDS, curse your mother, destroy your new whip and spit in your eye, and you couldn't hate me anymore than I hate that "Crank That..." foolishness.

6. I tend to be so unbelievably honest at times, people would rather believe that I'm lying, just to get out of an awkward situation. And I love it. Example:

Her - "N.Steven, seriously. Tell me what you think of me!"
Me - "I'm telling you, you don't want to know."
Her - "Come on, I wanna know! Tell me..."
Me - "Okay. You are probably one of the most beautiful creatures that I've ever seen. It takes all of my strength to restrain from grabbin' some of yo' plump booty. And I know that we can't ever be an item, because you like R.Kelly and I like Robert Randolph."
-Awkward Pause-
Her - "Oh, stop playing. Come on, be serious. Really, what do you think about me?"

Its really lots of fun. You should try it.

And...I'm too lazy to tag anyone. Just...let me know if you did it, so I can cop a peek.

Timing is Everything.

We Americans are something else, aren't we?

Out of all the countries in the world, we are the top whiners. We whine about things we already have, problems that aren't really problems, issues and shortcomings that would be considered successes in any other part of the globe.

Personally, I blame the Dollar Menu.

Seriously, if you think about it, McDonald's can be blamed for a lot of things. (And I'm not saying this because my midsection is slowly expanding...) Because of this instant gratification prescription that we've given ourselves, we are in a mode of getting what we want, when we want it. Which is usually NOW.

Apparently, this is nothing new.

Remember being a kid, and watching all the "big kids", wishing that the growth process would just hurry up already HAPPEN? Remember being a young-buck, waiting for the hair to grow on your upper lip/chest/et cetera, wondering why in the heck it was taking so long? And it doesn't even stop there...

Remember when you were on Apple's website the other day, staring lustily at that new MacBook Air, wishing that someone in the payroom would just make one little mistake on your paycheck and add one little zero?

There are so many instances in our lives that we tend to want to rush for. We want so much to happen to us, when things usually tend to happen in their own time. I also know this emcee who put in such a neat way:

You rush to get to the top
so you clawing away
You rush to get to that job
you hate more every day
You rush to pick up your order
rush to eat, but you tired
Rush to get you a quarter
'fore your meter expire
You rush to give him them drawz
Cuz he rushed you to hit it
You did it
Now ya'll fussing while you rush to the clinic...

We rush to get a car, we rush to have sex, we rush to move out of our parents' houses, we are in such a huge panic to get somewhere that's not really...going...anywhere.

And I know this Great Guy who said that there is a time for everything. Indeed, it is. No rush to the poon, the opportunity to lay the pipe will present itself, most likely in a better set of circumstances. No rush to getting that new whip, because chances are, there will be a newer, better (faster, stronger) car that will be coming out soon.

Granted, it's really hard to just...wait. But sometimes...that's the quickest, easiest route to living a better life.

Besides, some of the best conversations take place in the car on the way to Mickey D's.

If That's The Case...

I've been wondering about something these past few days.

(Real)Hip-hop is known for his truthfulness, its authenticity. From Kool Herc to Mos Def, the longest lasting artists in the game are known for simply keepin' it real, at art form truly perfected by those in the game. And you can bet, if there's any b*tch*ssedness going on in Hip-Hop, there'll be some kind of noise about it. Somebody somewhere will do any interview/diss track/mixtape about it, directed at fake cats.

My question is, what happens to these fake, frontin', foolish emcees? I mean, everybody talks about them, about how they never did half the stuff they rhyme about, how they never sold drugs a day in their life, they're still a virgin, et cetera. Why haven't we weeded these suckas out yet? You'd think that with all this complaining, somebody would be getting the beat down. But it doesn't seem like anything is being done about it.

I've got more than a few ideas about who these wankstas are, but when do we start naming names?

All I'm saying is, there doesn't seem to be any reduction of lameness. There should be some kind of public beating for these fools, just so we know that something is being down about this.

Or is just all accusations? Is hip-hop just pointing fingers at who "seems" fake? Like Papa Doc/Clarence from 8 Mile, its time for someone to get put on BLAST. That's all I'm saying.