The BreakDown Pt. 1

Love:

• Family -
  
• I love my family. There is no doubt about that. After all, they are mine. Each quirk and quarrel is specifically and genetically entitled to me. I can complain all I want about it, when the truth is, it's all mine. Lately, I've been looking at my home life a bit more closely. I've been analyzing the whole scene silently, going through everything with a fine-toothed comb. Some things are new to me. Some things are merely being emphasized. Others are new discoveries in old territory. For example, I know that I am the eldest. I'm the big brother, therefore, the root cause of any mishap that may happen with the younger siblings, regardless of if I'm in the same...hemisphere. However, I tend to question whether I'm having any impact on their lives. I don't really have an answer, but I continuously pray that I'm doing something right.
• My sister is entering college this year. Automatically, my Big Brother Radar is on Code Punch-a-Negro Mode. Any burly looking 'bama that approaches her had better have any and everything upwards of a 401k and a Benz...This is before I take a step back and realize that she is entering a phase of her life where she is beginning to know who she really is and where she stands. Most of what she stands on will be questioned. Most of what she thought she knew will shatter and fall around her. And she will learn lessons that will last her for the rest of her life. I have to understand that I am not the one to teach these lessons to her. That's God's job. I can't pretend I'm the Gestapo or something. I just really need to be her brother, her support.
• My parents have done too much for me. Most people understand that sentiment. But it's so true. This is not a cliche` statement; I'm not saying this because I just saw some inspirational new movie starring Cuba Gooding Jr. They really have done too much for me. And I am not one to pick my favorite parent; that's like choosing my favorite testicle. However, me and my dad have this weird...relationship. On the surface, it probably looks no different than any other father-son relationship, but under the surface, there is so much laying there...it's ghastly. My father is...just that. And so much more. I couldn't possibly write it all in a blog, but here's a brief try: My dad is the man that I am trying to become, yet at the same time avoid.
• Friends-
• I don't really have a lot of friends. I think I can count all of my close friends on my fingers. Some of them are new entries in this book of my life. Others are as old as the pages themselves. I truly and honestly love them all. You can attach a 'no homo' if you want, but it's really not necessary. I love them all, like blood-borne siblings.
• At a certain point during this summer, one of my friends and I were talking about number of different things; college, our respective wifeys, summer projects, spirituality, etc. During this conversation, it became rather clear that we were on a certain plane of growth, of evolution, of change. He had just graduated undergrad. While I was supposed to graduated as well, I am still on a route of elevation. For example, he brought up a relationship that I had pursued in my younger years. Looking back on it, I shake my head in an effort to get her face out of it. But! I look at the relationship that I am in now, and I can say that it is soo much better than what I was prepared for. It's like God was there, keeping me from many potentially stupid situations (prepare for a future blog about this topic).
  
• One of my friends, whom I oft refer to as my Id, is just that. He exists in the pleasure principle, and while it almost always provides great stories and endless chuckles and giggles, it worries me to a large degree. I love him like a brother, but I fear that he is sprinting down a path filled with all that a man's flesh desire, but very little soul-ful benefits. And the painful part is, he knows better. He is no idiot. A brilliant mind, stifled by "arms that won't reach for the sky". There is nothing that I can tell him that he isn't already aware of. What a battle is this, when two brilliant minds are facing opposite directions.
• I am currently involved in my first serious relationship. Going on a year, we've been doing the whole "official" dating thing. Personally, I find great pleasure in saying that we were friends first. And I wish that there was some cheesy way to say it, but that's really what it is. I think that's what's making this thing work. I have no idea what we would look like without that first year of our knowing each other. I value that the most, because that provides the foundation for our relationship. Most of those goodies and treats didn't really come about until some months before we started "officially" dating, but I'm talking about the grounds on which we were first aware of each other: Faith. Writing. Music. Myspace. (lol) With that being said, some times, we need to take a step back and pay attention to what drew us together. I've noticed what when in a dating relationship, it's a lot like a car. In order for the car to run properly, you've got to take of it. Some people go overboard and get silly additions, like rims and tinted windows and other attractive, but basically unnecessary additions. Others tend to be more content with the basics: Regular Gas Fill-Ups. Consistent Maintenance. A Working CD Player. I would like to consider myself the latter. While I may desire all the fun stuff that comes with being in a dating relationship (Boo-loving 'til the wee hours of the morning, Sporadic Make-Out Sessions, etc.), the basics are what keep it flowing smooth and nice-like...and fun. Like affection. Writing little love-notes. Inside jokes. A Working CD Player/iPod.