Oh, To Be A LadyFace...

I couldn't be a female.

Obviously enough, I am not, but I don't think that I could take it. I'd probably be a lesbian or something, but there's no way that I could take on the monumental day-to-day bidnis of being a ladyface. Sorry.

There are parts of being female that astound me, some parts that disturb me, other parts that make me shake my head and thank God for these testicles that so dutifully swang low.

For example, there's the HUGE issue of the societal demands. Everywhere you look, you see all of these skinny, size 0 models. (Note: Allow me to clarify. If you are just naturally small, then props to you. My beef is with the ad agencies that promote this as the only acceptable form of beauty. Personally, I like my women like I like my soup: Chunky, but healthy. But I digress...) I honestly feel that it is rather unfair. And that's not to say that guys don't go through the pressures of looking like some diesel; however, in my own personal journey, I realized that...I...don't...care.
But back to the topic.
I don't know if I could handle those kinds of demands. You've gotta have this skintone, be this old, have this much booty, this much boobie, not too much thigh, just enough hair, blah blah blah.
This is why I love the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. Seriously, I think there need to be more campaigns like this. Enough with the super-dooper skinny skinny template of beauty. Let's throw some 36s in there. A couple of (Natural) A, B, C, D cups.

Now that I think about it, I think that the issue is to advocate self-appreciation and self-esteem. Feeling comfortable in our own skin. Which leads me to my next point...

All that make-up? Couldn't do it. I guess I'm an au naturale brother. There's no need for all that face goop. There was a girl in college that I remember especially. I remember her, because her face looked painted on. There was one event in particular that I remember. We were in the pool, acting a bunch of fools. One of us saw her and watched her. We noticed that she still had make-up on. I don't know what the other guys were looking at; I didn't thinks she would jump in the pool with all of that cake on her face.
Alas, she did.

Even better, as she emerged from the pool (after about 30 minutes of frolicking around and whatnot), her make-up was still glued onto her face.
Have you have been putting on the Vaseline or Cocoa Butter in the morning, but then tried to wash it off? It's hard, isn't it? Because, something about the way the Vaseline/Cocoa Butter is made, it just...indestructible.
My friends and I nicknamed her "The Maybelline Queen". Why? Not because we were mean...okay, maybe it was a little rough.
Long story short, I know that sometimes, a lil' bit is all that is needed. And by all means, a lil' bit will get the job done. But I'm way too ignorant to be worrying about applying some gunk to my face all the time. What you see is what you get.

Not to mention the nasty surprise we get when we see what the person actually looks like underneath it all (Kinda like the famous picture to the right depicts. Surprise, Ja Rule!).

And then there are all the obvious things:

1. Monthlies
2. The Incessant Need for Accessories
3. ....Monthlies...

But then I realize, I may just be a lazy bum. Cuz, seriously, who would rather go through all of that? Seriously. Tell me you wouldn't rather laze around, scratching unmentionables and being gross on purpose!

You're lying.