The Shin-Dig Before The Shin-Dig

I attend college at Liberty University.

A lot of people (both attendees and otherwise) have a lot to say about it. Some like it, some love it, some hate it, and some...just want to graduate.

I've noticed lately that there has been a bug going around. I haven't really been bitten by it, but it'd be a lie to say that it hasn't affected me. A few friends of mine have caught it, but at this point in the game, I'm wondering how long I can run from it.

I'm speaking about the Marriage Bug.

Folks are getting engaged and whatnot, right and left. Those people who used to share a table with me at Singles' Cafe have moved on to more committed pastures.

And I'm not going to go into a schpeel about whether I am ready for marriage or not. That kind of conversation needs a can of Red Bull and chicken nuggets.

But in the midst of a conversation with a close friend of mine, I started to think about a particularly interesting aspect of getting hitched. Before the Ball and Chain become fastened to a young man's ankles, he is allowed one night of autonomy, set up from the ground up by some close homies.

This event is known as: The Bachelor Party.

I was encouraged to daydream.

If I could set up my own bachelor party, what would it look like? Would it be riddled with girls that like to get buckked-nekkid? Would I be drowning in a sea of Hennesy and Courvoisier?

I severely doubt it. My style is far from explicit. I try to keep it PG-13. (Note that I said TRY)

After a little thinking and rationalizing, this would be a few of the things I would like to spend my last day of freedom doing.

• Food: Enough of that nachos and salsa crap. I want to be able to eat whatever the heck I want. Meaning, probably a lot of everything. Quesadillas. Meat-Lovers' Pizza. Roti. Jamaican Beef Patties. Pineapple-Pomegranate Smoothies. Fried Chicken. I want it all - nothing is off limits.
• Entertainment: When I'm married and I start having kids, I'll more than likely have to get rid of most/all of my dangerous/illegal activities. With T-minus one night, I'll have to get as many un-couth shenanigans in a 24-hour period as possible. And this includes, but isn't limited to: Skydiving. Fire-breathing. Graffiti. Mooning a crowd. Peeing off of a tall building. Participating in a mosh pit. Dance Battle, turned into an enviable music video. And I want everyone to be sober for the entire affair.
• Music: Since this should be a high-octane event, I want all the bangers. Not club-bangers, mind you. The classics. The stuff that every man in a 10 mile vacinity can sing along to. Live music, if we can afford it. If The Roots can be there, so be it.
• Sports: An impromptu American Gladiator's match. And I shall be the victor.
• Gifts: I want to be callous, and just say, "Show me the money!". However, I will accept these following items: Complete Series of Seinfeld (if I don't have it yet). Every piece of music that Mars iLL has released and otherwise. My own DJ booth. Platinum coated Shell-top Adidas/Air Force Ones. A "Man Plaque" with my name on it. Each and every gaming console since SNES, with the most violent games included.
• ...and a moment of silence for my pinky ring. I don't show it off much. I usually have it in bubble wrap in my sock drawer. At that moment in time, I will be retiring it, since there will be no more room for it in my jewelry cabinet.

I'm kidding. Kinda.

Honestly though, although Marriage is a cup that I am not ready to sip from yet, I do plan on it, and it shall be quite the adventure, in and of itself. Cuz my wife shall be alladat and a bag of Fritos.